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Books Ron DeSantis Has Banned In Florida

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In response to new rules issued by the administration of Gov. Ron DeSantis, teachers are being ordered to remove all books from libraries and classrooms until they can be approved by a state-trained “certified media specialist.” The following books are currently banned from schools in Florida.

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How The Grinch Stole Christmas

How The Grinch Stole Christmas

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DeSantis has repeatedly criticized Dr. Seuss’ famous character the Grinch for not being overtly Jewish enough.

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Dim Sum For Everyone!

Dim Sum For Everyone!

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According to DeSantis, this book promotes harmful socialist ideology by creating in children the expectation that everyone will, in fact, get dim sum.

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The Green Book

The Green Book

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Wrongly encourages Black people to travel by car.

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The Stranger

The Stranger

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DeSantis famously rejects Albert Camus’ existentialist embrace of the absurd and instead favors a more Sartrean realism, as explored in the governor favorite philosophical work, Being And Nothingness.

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The Catcher In The Rye

The Catcher In The Rye

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Holden should’ve been meaner to the prostitute.

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Lolita

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DeSantis deemed the book’s depiction of Humbert Humbert to be disrespectful to the state’s many pedophiles.

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The Holy Bible

The Holy Bible

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No characters named Ron.

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Goodnight Moon

Goodnight Moon

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A gateway book that leads some Floridians to a lifetime love of reading.

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James And The Giant Peach

James And The Giant Peach

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The removal of pornography from classrooms includes the obscene story of James and his presumably fat ass.

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The Haunting Of Hill House

The Haunting Of Hill House

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Too scary.

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The Baby-Sitters Club Series

The Baby-Sitters Club Series

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He feels threatened by Kristy’s work ethic.

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Geometry, Student Edition (McGraw Hill)

Geometry, Student Edition (McGraw Hill)

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Children could be tempted by circles and their devious curves.

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The Big Book Of American Presidents: Fascinating Facts And True Stories About U.S. Presidents And Their Families

The Big Book Of American Presidents: Fascinating Facts And True Stories About U.S. Presidents And Their Families

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Briefly mentions Robert Todd Lincoln had a buddy who was Black.

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The Goldfinch

The Goldfinch

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He thought this one dragged in the middle.

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What To Expect When You’re Expecting

What To Expect When You’re Expecting

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DeSantis banned this, in addition to several other pregnancy books, out of concern that learning about the process of childbirth would lead women to seek abortions.

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Carter Reads The Newspaper

Carter Reads The Newspaper

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Shoves news literacy down children’s throats.

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Fifty Shades Of Grey

Fifty Shades Of Grey

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The State of Florida bans all books that depict or even acknowledge the existence of Seattle.

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The Diary Of A Young Girl 

The Diary Of A Young Girl 

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Incorrectly introduces the idea that children may be able to hide from a fascist state.

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You’ve Made It This Far…

You’ve Made It This Far…

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The Onion

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