Jesus' Coming Back

Suburban School Worker Charged With Stealing $1.5 Million Worth Of Chicken Wings

A former head of food services at a south suburban school district has been charged in a massive embezzlement scheme in which she allegedly stole more than 11,000 cases of chicken wings valued at $1.5 million over a 19-month period. What do you think?

“Yeah, but that’s only, like, eight pounds of actual meat.”

Beatrice Rodovsky, Crisis Organizer

“I thought only rich people were allowed to steal from hungry kids.”

Ezra Luanda, Lotion Tester

“If she can eat them all in one sitting, she’s free to go.”

Jaysen Sella, Chief Carbonator

The Onion

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