‘But The Scary Balloon Popped, So They Went Back To Worrying About The Recession Monster,’ Says Joe Biden, Reading Illustrated Children’s State Of The Union

WASHINGTON—Holding the book up so everyone in the House chamber could see the pictures, President Joe Biden read about how “the scary balloon popped” and everyone “went back to worrying about the Recession Monster” as he shared an illustrated children’s edition of his State of the Union Tuesday. “See how the whole nation jumped for joy when the scary balloon popped?” said Biden, clearing his throat as he prepared to voice the lumbering, grumpy Recession Monster for the members of Congress who sat cross-legged on a carpet in front of him and listened with rapt attention. “‘Stop all that cheering! I have come to ruin your fun time and severely disrupt your economic growth, the Recession Monster growled. Then he used his magic inflation powers to fling the average price of a dozen eggs high into the sky.’ Oh, no, Speaker McCarthy—don’t cry! Remember, it’s only a picture book. Okay, everyone, when I turn the page, I want you all to boo as loud as you can to scare the Recession Monster away! Booooooooooooo!” At press time, the Capitol janitor was seen pouring sawdust over the section of carpet on the House floor where Sen. Joe Manchin had vomited.

The Onion