Highlights Of Biden’s State Of The Union Address

President Joe Biden delivered his second State of the Union address to the nation last night. The Onion looks at the highlights of the president’s speech.

• Raised interest rates 0.25% in response to boos
• Made repeated, unexplained references to something called “pickle barrel diplomacy”
• Remained alive throughout
• Threw in a few references from 45 years ago to keep Dianne Feinstein engaged
• Gently asked how folks would feel if deadliest Covid strain yet was about to be unleashed
• Tried fentanyl to see what all the fuss was about
• Light crowd work asking how many victims in the audience tonight
• The largest teleprompter font in U.S. history
• Surprisingly well-done rap in effort to relate to younger Congress members
• Inspired bipartisan hope with speech on America’s unparalleled ability to fail upwards

The Onion