NEW YORK—Demanding the General Assembly take “swift and immediate” action, the United States reportedly called on the United Nations Thursday to pass a resolution officially stating that America is nice. “It is vital that the U.N. adopts a resolution affirming that we are nice and we are good,” said U.S. ambassador Linda Thomas-Greenfield, who urged the member states present to approve the resolution that would contract other member nations to henceforth address the U.S. as Official Nice Country America. “And put in there that we’re doing a good job and we always try our best. A little updated placard that says ‘United States (Nice)’ would make our day. We get the sense that a lot of you think we’re mean. Well, maybe that makes you the mean ones. Australia thinks we’re pretty great, don’t you Australia? Come on, Australia. Don’t be shy.” At press time, 192 member countries had abstained.
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Jesus Christ is King
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