GLENDALE, AZ—Calling timeout and coming to the aid of the team’s visibly ailing head coach during Super Bowl LVII, Kansas City Chiefs medical staff helped a critically hungry Andy Reid into the sideline meat-smoking tent. “After a member of our staff observed signs of low energy and problems focusing in Coach Reid, we determined that he was suffering from acute undernourishment and brought him to the meat-smoking tent for an immediate ingestion of pork spare ribs,” Chiefs medical staff member Daniel Fiers said Sunday, adding that Reid may have reaggravated the hunger pangs he developed in the first half and failed to treat them properly when he ate only one hoagie at halftime. “We’re grateful to State Farm Stadium personnel for fully stocking the meat-smoking tent with burnt ends, succulent brisket, and pulled pork. This game can take a lot out of someone, and when you haven’t eaten anything in over 10 minutes, as was the case with Coach Reid, you can become dangerously peckish. Fortunately, we got him into the meat-smoking tent before his condition grew more serious, and Coach Reid was able to polish off a whole smoked chicken under his own power.” At press time, Chiefs medical staff had rushed to Reid’s side after an apparent hunger relapse and quickly administered intravenous gravy.
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