GLENDALE, AZ—A report published immediately following the Kansas City Chiefs’ win over the Philadelphia Eagles in Super Bowl LVII confirmed this was the last time a Chiefs Super Bowl victory would be enjoyable. “While even casual football fans and fans of teams besides the Chiefs have appreciated watching Patrick Mahomes and the Chiefs’ high-octane offense dominate on the sport’s biggest stage, that appreciation ends today,” the Pew Research Center report read in part, explaining that after winning two Super Bowls in five years and making it to at least the AFC Conference Championship in the other three, the Chiefs were now a dynasty that no one outside their fan base would want to see win ever again. “Like the New England Patriots, San Francisco 49ers, and Dallas Cowboys before them, the Chiefs will now be considered annoyingly good, rather than thrillingly so. This will be the final time that seeing Andy Reid accept the Super Bowl trophy will elicit anything except a groan from the average fan, and Patrick Mahomes will now be widely considered an irritating presence who does too many commercials, rather than a generational quarterback talent. In addition, for each subsequent time the Chiefs win the Super Bowl, our findings indicate that rage at their continued success will increase exponentially. Our report’s recommendation is that everyone enjoy the Chiefs winning today, because from now on, you won’t.” The report also found that for diehard Chiefs fans, this would be the last Super Bowl win they would get to enjoy without having to get all weird and defensive about it.
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