Things To Never Say To A Strip Club Performer

If you’re looking for a quiet place to make a call, that’s what the expensive back rooms are for.

The black polo shirt stays on, buddy.

All of us, from the richest aristocrat to the poorest pauper, are just meat.

Not if you keep running your mouth instead of tipping them.

It’s a naked body. Don’t be dense.

While strip club dancers may be able to climb up poles, scaling walls with nothing but their bare feet and hands is a different story.

This is not the first place you should’ve shown up to after stepping out of a time machine.

Not that kind of performer.

While a nice gesture, they don’t know where your jacket has been and will likely not accept it.

She’s a stripper, not a matchmaker.

Nice try, but strippers know better than to fall for union-busting talking points.

The dancers see hundreds of Martin Short impressions a day. You’re not special.

Well, what are you doing in here, you piece of shit?

Stop, she’s going to get dizzy!

This is punishment, not payment.

There’s a time and a place to show off your backflip, and right in the middle of a striptease is not one of them.

Many women find loading up their plates with unlimited french toast sticks quite empowering.

Better to use an exclamation like “’sblood!” or “gadzooks.”

Everyone knows this bill was discontinued in 1969.

Garlic is an allium, not a nightshade. Don’t insult a stripper’s intelligence, especially if you yourself know nothing about botany.

Better to take it slow and start by telling her she’s your girlfriend first.

Your identical twin estranged herself from you for a reason.

Sorry, this was supposed to go in the “Things To Say To A Strip Club Performer” slideshow. Exotic dancers love scatting!

You’ve blown her cover, and now you must be eliminated.