Top Super Bowl Ad Features Paul Rudd Urging Americans To Drive Chevy Far Away From This Grim And Dying Nation

NEW YORK—Promoting the car manufacturer as the only way out of this hellhole, Sunday night’s top Super Bowl ad featured Paul Rudd urging Americans to get a Chevrolet pickup and drive it far away from their grim and dying nation. “Hop in the all-new 2023 Chevy Silverado, hit the gas, and never look back on this blighted, godforsaken country,” said a hollow-eyed, visibly beleaguered Rudd, explaining that the United States’ best days were behind it, the nation was collapsing under the weight of its intolerable excesses, and a 4×4 truck with a 6.2-liter V8 engine and 10-speed automatic transmission was America’s last opportunity to escape. “You’ve tried buying everything else. Why not make a half-ton Silverado that delivers 420 horsepower and can handle a payload of up to 1440 pounds the last purchase you ever make? There is nothing for you here anymore. There are no jobs. There is no hope. It doesn’t matter where you’re going, only that you leave. And Chevy can take you there.” The Super Bowl ad ended with the Ant-Man star praying there was something better out there before driving his Chevy straight into the Pacific Ocean.

The Onion