Fear Of Rejection Prevents Man From Asking Woman What Her Underwear Smells Like

CINCINNATI—Bemoaning the anxiety he felt when approaching new people, local man Roger Linden confirmed Tuesday that his fear of rejection was preventing him from going up to a woman and asking her what her underwear smelled like. “I’m always self-sabotaging like this—I just feel so vulnerable asking if I can get a big whiff of her panties,” Linden told reporters, adding that he was so afraid of saying the wrong words that he hardly ever found it within himself to ask women if he could check out their feet too. “I know the worst thing that could happen is her just saying no, but I doubt I could handle being rebuffed for inquiring if I could shove a lady’s underwear in my mouth for a couple seconds. If I were brave enough to just put myself out there, though, maybe I’d find out that she wants to know what my underwear smells like too. Nobody sniffs underwear by just sitting on the sidelines.”At press time, Linden had finally mustered up the courage to get arrested.

The Onion