SOMERVILLE, MA—In a bombshell report that has threatened to upend the entire fundraising arm of the Democratic party, investigators revealed Tuesday that Sen. Mark Kelly (D-AZ) was just someone that ActBlue made up. “Sadly, after a thorough investigation, it is abundantly clear that former astronaut and current Democratic senator from Arizona Mark Kelly is not real and, frankly, never existed,” said political analyst Marla Yates, adding that the nonprofit political action committee invented the character back in 2019 and had initially planned on using him only to fundraise, but the deception quickly got out of hand. “After crafting the perfect backstory for Mark, ActBlue circulated his avatar, sent emails to unwitting voters, and eventually raised tens of millions of dollars for a sham campaign that also never existed. Seriously, he’s an astronaut, he has an identical twin brother who also went to space, and now he’s a senator? Frankly, in retrospect, the idea of Mark Kelly seems preposterous. It’s sad that so many were fooled for so long.” At press time, ActBlue was under fire after it was revealed the organization also made up Sen. John Ossoff (D-GA), Sen. Rafael Warnock (D-GA), and the entire idea of a Georgia Senate runoff.
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