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Florida Mom Packs Little Manifesto In Child’s Lunch

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FORT LAUDERDALE, FL—Saying it was an easy gesture that was guaranteed to bring a smile to the boy’s face, local mother Janet Rialto told reporters Thursday that she always made sure to pack a little manifesto in her child’s lunch. “It’s a small thing, but every morning, I take a few minutes to handwrite him a quick little screed against Blacks, gays, immigrants, or Jews, and stick it in his lunch box, just so he knows I care,” said Rialto, who added that even though she couldn’t be there at school with him, she knew he could hear her voice screaming the 2,000-word diatribe that described his teachers as state-controlled demons trying to brainwash him with the woke-mind virus and critical race theory. “I know it’s kind of sappy, but I just want him to know that I love him, that the white race is superior, that vaccines are mind-control devices, and that the government routinely kidnaps children like him and sells them into slavery. I hope when he sees the hearts, smiley faces, and swastikas I drew in the margins, he immediately thinks of me.” At press time, Rialto was reportedly upset with her son after the bullets and handgun she slipped beneath his sandwich came home totally untouched.

The Onion

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