Annoyed Man Rates UberEats Driver 3 Stars For Having To Pry Order Out Of Their Dead Frozen Hands

PORTLAND, ME—Irked by what he described as unprofessional behavior, local man Cory Morales reportedly gave his UberEats driver a three-star rating Friday for having to pry his order out of the delivery worker’s dead frozen hands. “I specifically said in the directions to leave it outside my door on the porch, and here I find my order 30 feet away from my front step in the hands of a frostbitten corpse—disgusting,” said Morales, who noted that he had written the directions in both English and Spanish and had texted the gig worker directions to his house, so there was really no excuse for his failure. “I only ordered food in the first place because I didn’t want to go outside. It’s cold, like, dangerously cold! That’s why I said leave it on my porch. He’s so lazy I had to come meet his body in the street. I had to break a few fingers too, ugh. Plus, my french fries are cold.” At press time, sources confirmed Morales had decided the driver’s widow did not even deserve a tip.

The Onion