Experts Discover Strange New ‘Revival’ That Occurs Every Sunday For Some Reason

SPRING HILL, TN — Experts have uncovered a new phenomenon in the revivalism industry: a “revival” that occurs every Sunday where God’s people gather to worship and receive the means of grace.

“Believers have long drawn their spiritual sustenance, courage, and strength to make it through another day from revivals – but this new ‘Weekly Revival’ may make the Christian walk that much more scalable, repeatable, and consistent!” said revivalism expert Jonah Mothbottom in response to the recent and widespread adoption of these new weekly Sunday meetings.

Holy Spirit expert Jackson Pasteur has weighed in as well: “While we still maintain that Christians should wait for the rush of a real once-in-a-lifetime revival to help them power through their lives in the power of the Spirit, these weekly revivals may be a useful stop-gap while they’re waiting for God to sweep them off their feet with ‘the real thing.'”

Experts caution that while the weekly revivals could be useful as a temporary means to help Christians in their walk, the Sunday revivals would not be a valid long-term substitute for overwhelming week-long emotional experiences at college chapels.

At publishing time, sources reported another revival broke out in a rural church in Missouri, but sadly, no one was there to film it.

This man is under arrest – for MANSPLAINING!

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Babylon Bee