Girlfriend Makes Fun Of Man For Loving Sports Even Though She’s Obsessed With Taking Care Of Dying Mother

INDIANAPOLIS—Saying that it only took a bit of self-reflection to see her hypocrisy, local man Tyler Brentwood confirmed Monday that his girlfriend, Alicia Hanson, made fun of him for loving sports even though she was similarly obsessed with taking care of her dying mom. “Look, I can take the teasing about how many hours I spend watching the Pacers and talking about stats, but I bet Alicia has clocked just as much time holding her mom’s emaciated hand as she wastes away,” said Brentwood, explaining that everyone had their “quirky hobbies,” and that while he was a self-described devotee of sports, his partner of two years was clearly a fanatic for bringing Mylar balloons and flowers to her mother’s hospital room in her final hours. “Are there better things to spend $750 on than a courtside seat? Sure. But I don’t get why Alicia gets to jab me on that when her family is essentially bankrupt from paying for late-stage cancer treatments. I love her, but c’mon! Look in the mirror, babe!” At press time, Brentwood added that while he was a lifelong sports fan, his partner’s interest in caring for her mother seemed like a flash in the pan that would switch over in a few weeks to some other short-term hobby, like grieving.

The Onion