NEW YORK—Emerging from decades of self-imposed retirement to insert himself into your most intimate fantasies, actor and comedian Rick Moranis announced Monday that he had plans to pop into your head for no discernible reason right before you orgasm. “After years away from your thoughts, I’m thrilled to have this opportunity to return to your consciousness at the moment of sexual climax,” said the Honey, I Shrunk The Kids and Little Shop Of Horrors star, explaining that the role of randomly appearing in your mind just as you achieve full erotic release would be demanding, but he was up to the challenge. “Sure, an orgasm might not be the most ideal time to think about Dark Helmet from Spaceballs, but what are you gonna do? And who knows, if you’re really lucky I might with no explanation bring someone like Wayne Knight or Randy Quaid along with me so we can all be there together the instant you cum.” The announcement follows a Kinsey Institute survey conducted last year that found 83% of Americans still jerk off to Moranis’ early work on SCTV.
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