Brought to you by PublicSq.:
Roald Dahl, the author of such beloved titles as Charlie and the Chocolate Factory and Matilda, made headlines recently because his body of literature was updated to remove potentially offensive material.
It’s about time!
Now publishers are working through other classic children’s books and we’ve got an early preview of some of the planned changes.
Take a look!
Pride & Prejudice
Original Edition:
It is a truth universally acknowledged that a single man in possession of a good fortune must be in want of a wife.
Sensitive Edition:
It is an opinion universally given that a sperm-producer must be in want of an egg-producer.
Brown Bear, Brown Bear, What Do You See?
Original Edition:
I see a teacher looking at me.
Sensitive Edition:
I see systemic racism all around me.
The Dark Tower: The Gunslinger
Original Edition:
The man in black fled across the desert, and the gunslinger followed.
Sensitive Edition:
The man in African American fled across the desert, and a successful woman led.
Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets
Original Edition:
“It is our choices, Harry, that show what we truly are.”
Sensitive Edition:
“It is our pronouns, Harry, that show us what we truly are.”
Charlotte’s Web
Original Edition:
It is not often that someone comes along who is a true friend and a good writer. Charlotte was both.
Sensitive Edition:
It is not often that someone comes along who is a trans woman and a person of color. Charlotte was both.
Little House on the Prairie
Original Edition:
“I tell you Caroline, when we begin getting crops off this rich land of ours, we’ll be living like kings!”
Sensitive Edition:
“I tell you Caroline, when we begin harvesting soy off this rich land of the indigenous peoples, we’ll be living like oppressive colonizers!”
Congo
Original Edition:
“Amy is a gorilla,” Peter Elliot said.
Sensitive Edition:
“Amy is a strong, confident business gorilla,” Peter Elliot yelled.
The Great Gatsby
Original Edition:
And so we beat on, boats against the current, borne back ceaselessly into the past.
Sensitive Edition:
And also, I am a homosexual.
The Very Hungry Caterpillar
Original Edition:
Now the caterpillar was no longer small. He was a big, fat, caterpillar.
Sensitive Edition:
Now the caterpillar was no longer small. He was a big, beautiful, body-positive, caterpillar.
Romeo & Juliet
Original Edition:
O Romeo, Romeo, wherefore art thou, Romeo?
Sensitive Edition:
O Romeo, Romeo, wherefore art thou white, Romeo?
NOT SATIRE: Americans are discovering that if we want to change this nation, we have to change the way the marketplace works. That change starts with you, with your wallet, and by supporting America-first businesses. Imagine a world where every single dollar you spend could go towards companies that share your values for life, liberty, and prosperity. Now with the PublicSq. app, you can.
PublicSq. is an app and website that connects freedom-loving Americans to the community and businesses that share their values. With tens of thousands of businesses in our marketplace, discover a nationwide platform with the largest gathering of patriotic consumers and businesses our country has ever seen. The best part of all, this marketplace is FREE to join for consumers and business owners alike!
This man is under arrest – for MANSPLAINING!
Subscribe to our YouTube channel for more guffaw-inducing chucklefests!
Babylon Bee
Comments are closed.