Apologetic Don Lemon Clarifies A Woman’s Relevance Is Not Defined By Age, But Conventional Attractiveness

NEW YORK—Walking back his previous comments that Republican presidential hopeful Nikki Haley was past her “prime,” an apologetic Don Lemon clarified to reporters Tuesday that a woman’s relevance was not defined by age, but by conventional attractiveness. “It doesn’t matter if a woman is in her 20s or her 70s, her value is only dependent on how hot she is by traditional beauty standards,” said Lemon, adding that as long as a woman has an hourglass figure and symmetrical features that are pleasing to the eye, she can continue to be a valuable contribution to society way past 40. “The reference I made to a woman’s ‘prime’ was unartful and irrelevant, and I realize that being younger does not automatically give someone more worth, especially if they’re overweight. The only requirement a woman needs in order to have any relevance is to be a total smoke show.” Lemon continued that he was extremely sorry for suggesting that Nikki Haley was past her prime when really all she needed was a little Botox or filler.

The Onion