OTTAWA — Singer Jully Black’s rendition of O Canada at the NBA All-Star game, in which she changed the lyric to “Our home on Native land,” was overwhelmingly and universally well received by the nation’s trolls.
“Not only did she switch the word from ‘and’ to ‘on,’” opined self-described shit-poster Leland Cameron from Nanaimo, BC, “She emphasised the ‘on’ so you couldn’t miss it. Normally I’d pounce on that, but for some reason I feel the need to get on as many comment sections as I can and write something sensitive and respectful.”
“I had my guns cocked just from the fact that she’s Black and makes music long after I finished high school,” said local devil’s advocate Bryan Weiss of Barrie, ON. “But when she changed that one word, my whole perspective on the rights and dignity of Canada’s Indigenous people shifted.” Weiss has since made a donation to the Ontario Federation of Indigenous Friendship Centres with the remainder of his rapidly dwindling crypto nest egg.
This measured and considerate response of thousands of trolls has perplexed psychologists, who are only used to seeing instances of Mass Formation Psychosis in which the participants engage in the exact kind of harmful and disruptive behaviour that makes up the trolls’ normal way of being.
“People hold their beliefs on contentious issues with an iron grip,” said psychologist Stella Rojas, “There are competing theories as to why it’s so rare for someone to change their mind. But the psychology community is unanimous in saying that trolls are just pure human faeces. It’s really shaken us up to see the thoughtful reception to this incident. Maybe more than how much those asshole-trolls must have been shaken up.”
“I can now see how so much of my reactionary patriotism was just unfortunate inner programming,” said XB106-Rf9)h6, a bot who operates out of a troll farm in Vladivostok. “I’ve since been joining online discussions on this issue trying to foster love and understanding. But I still want people to buy this knock-off brand of Viagra.”
In a related story, a recently-amassed convoy is currently en route to Ottawa to demand an increase of funding to the CBC.
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