Man Never Thought He’d Become One Of Those Bug-Laid-Eggs-In-His-Ear Kind Of Guys

NORRISTOWN, PA—Expressing disbelief in how different his life had turned out, local man Jerrod Kendal told reporters Tuesday that he never thought he would become one of those bug-laid-eggs-in-his-ear kind of guys. “Sure, I always thought there was a chance I’d one day grow up to be a tapeworm-in-the-digestive-system type, but a fly-larva-in-the-ear-canal person? Never in a million years—Yet, here I am,” said Kendal, adding that as a kid, he figured by the time he was 40, he might have a tick burrow into his flesh or his body might host a nematode, but noted that obviously things change as one gets older. “You hear about bug-laid-eggs-in-their-ears guys all the time, but you never think that’s going to be you until you wake up one morning with maggots crawling out of your head. I used to look down on those who scooped insect eggs out of that particular orifice, but now that I’m one of them, I see how judgmental I used to be and now embrace who I’ve become.” At press time, Kendal admitted that he also never thought he’d have spiders living in his brain either, but as he’s learned in his short time here on this earth, life’s full of surprises.

The Onion