Woman Surprised By How Easy It Is To Get Along With Sister Now That They’re Adults Who Never See Each Other

DOVER, NH—Calling it a 180-degree pivot from the bitterness and animosity of their youth, local woman Talia Bowman told reporters Tuesday that she was surprised by how easy it was to get along with her sister now that the two of them were adults who never saw each other. “When we were kids, we used to say the cruelest things and scream and fight until we would both cry, but I guess our relationship has just been able to mellow out since we’ve become older and more mature with 3,000 miles between us,” said Bowman, who expressed her absolute relief and delight that the two didn’t go at each other’s throats anymore now that they had moved to opposite sides of the country and not had a conversation since 2009. “I would mock her acne, and she would tell me I couldn’t borrow her clothes because I was too fat. But now I can’t even remember what her face looks like! Isn’t it nice how sometimes those things just work themselves out with time? Getting along is just so effortless now that we’re at the point where I wouldn’t even recognize her on the street.” At press time, Bowman added that even her relationship with her parents had improved with time now that the two of them were dead.

The Onion