Saddest Requests Elon Musk Has Made At Twitter Since Taking Over

In an effort to stand out, Elon demanded engineers make his own tweets one size larger than those on the rest of the site.

Feeling as if the “tears of laughter” face that he includes in many of his Tweets is overdone, the CEO has requested a new slate of fresh, even more out-of-touch emoticons.

Elon knew cuts had to be made, but he requested to make sure the company only had enough to reflect the sex position he has never done before.

After sexually harassing the sex bots, Elon had to make the embarrassing request for software engineers to get the sex bots to unblock him.

Stating that it was great for workplace culture, Elon demanded that every employee shriek and laugh like schoolgirls after he pointed out that it was 4:20 p.m.

Employees were disturbed to hear that Elon dropped to his knees and begged his CFO to release the $240 per year he’d need to continue making his hilarious memes.

This was partially offset by the $10 friendship fee Twitter employees started charging Elon.

Musk’s in-house Lorne Michaels impersonator tells him at least once a day he’s never read a packet as good as his.

The practice of quickly looking down at the CEO’s open pants, looking up, and exclaiming “so normal!” is expected to become mandatory for middle management next quarter.

All 1300 Twitter employees politely declined so as not send him the wrong message.

It’s believed he thought the moniker sounded tough.

Elon’s the best boy in the world every day at 3 p.m.

Staff had just gotten him to stop crying when he saw a chicken photo that got him riled up again.

To ensure a truly global audience, billions of people worldwide receive paper copies of his jokes, political opinions, and hilarious memes.

Additionally, anyone on the office roof deck at the time must ‘ooh’ and ‘aah’ each time he tosses a beanbag.

What if Elon had a purse in a profile picture? It would be crazy!

An experienced CEO like Musk should know that businesses aren’t for making money, they’re for evading taxes.