Man Kicks Himself After Thinking Of Perfect Gun He Could Have Used To Win Argument

AUGUSTA, GA—Lamenting how painfully obvious it was in retrospect, local man Aaron Thompson told reporters Friday he was kicking himself after thinking of the perfect gun he could have used to win an argument. “God, I feel so dumb, I just stood there like an idiot when the perfect semiautomatic weapon was staring me in the face the whole time,” said Thompson, adding that he couldn’t stop replaying the dispute with his boss, each time imagining how much better it would have been if he had used an AR-15. “Just 30 seconds after I left the room, I knew exactly how I should have done it, and how I should have shot him dead right then and there. I practiced blowing his head off so many times in my head before we spoke, but in the end, I just choked. Ugh. I’m such a pussy.” At press time, Thompson was reportedly kicking himself after he called another meeting with his boss, gotten into an argument, and then messed it up again by shooting off his foot.

The Onion