U.S.-MEXICO BORDER—Emphasizing that the event had left citizens feeling embarrassed and exposed, U.S. Secretary of Homeland Security Alejandro Mayorkas announced Friday that the nation had installed a 2,000-mile-long privacy curtain after Mexico saw it naked. “Starting today, the entire U.S.-Mexico border will be covered in red drapes so that when America showers, there’s no way Mexico can see,” said Mayorkas, adding that the last time Mexico walked in on the U.S., they saw all 350 million Americans naked, covered in soap, feverishly screaming “get out” in unison. “While the United States remains rather embarrassed, they were luckily able to obscure their private parts before the nation of Mexico covered its eyes, shrieked ‘we’re sorry,’ and then ran away crying. We hope we can eventually move past this, so when the nations meet again, they won’t just blush and avoid eye contact.” At press time, the U.S. population had reportedly hopped in the shower, pulled back the privacy curtain, and asked all 129 million Mexican citizens if they liked what they saw.
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