War-Weary Americans Not Sure How Much Longer They Can Occasionally Glance At Headlines About Ukraine

WASHINGTON—Worn down and weakened by the one-year anniversary of the war’s media coverage, a weary U.S. populace confirmed Friday they were not sure how much longer they could occasionally glance at headlines about Ukraine. “Scrolling by all those pictures of crying children and bombed cities—I just don’t know if I have it in me anymore,” said sales executive John Hollencamp, echoing the dismay of millions of individuals across the country who feared they no longer had the resolve to read a full headline about the Russian invasion of Ukraine, let alone click on a link to an article. “Every day, I find myself pining for my old life, those carefree days when I didn’t even give Ukraine a passing thought. I really didn’t know how good I had it. Sometimes I’ll stare at a photo of an amputee for two seconds, but that’s really all I have left within me. There’s only so much photojournalism one man can take.” At press time, Hollencamp added he was still holding out hope that war coverage would end soon.

The Onion