CEO Relieved AI Can Never Replace Him If He Already Contributes Nothing To Company

NEW YORK—Expressing confidence that the new technology wasn’t a threat, FinCorp Solutions CEO Charles Markham reportedly expressed relief Wednesday that artificial intelligence could never replace him if he already contributed nothing to the company. “I actually don’t do anything, so there’s nothing the computer can do better than me,” said Markham, adding that his job was secure since no one was interested in building AI dedicated to wandering around the office or going on vacation for 12 weeks out of the year. “Lucky for me, the current models are striving toward imitating the skills of professional artisans, who possess a level of talent that I don’t have. When AI can sit in a large chair and make money off the backs of others all day, I’ll start to worry about my job.” At press time, sources reported Markham became concerned after finding out that AI was capable of embezzling company money way better than he could.

The Onion