Stable, Content Woman Only Has A Few Months Left Before Thinking About Ron DeSantis Every Day

SPOKANE, WA—Letting out a gratified, peaceful sigh as she sipped her morning coffee, local stable, content woman Gina Dore reportedly remained unaware Monday that she only had a few months left before she would be thinking about Ron DeSantis every day. According to sources, Dore was blissfully able to go about her afternoon despite being only 60 or so days out from hearing the governor of Florida’s name dozens of times an hour, whether it would be overheard on public transportation, from argumentative pundits referencing him on the news, or from her own mouth as she expressed her derision over his politics. Sources confirmed that, for now, the serene woman was free to think about whatever she liked, as her mind would not be 100 percent preoccupied by reckoning with the phrase “President DeSantis” for another several news cycles, at which point she would be immediately bombarded with his opinions on the issues facing the nation from the moment she woke up in the morning until she tried and failed to fall asleep at night. Despite being mere weeks away from being plunged into a sea of thinkpieces, photographs, and sound bites centered on the Republican, the happy, satisfied woman was reportedly able to concentrate fully on work for the last time before her current placidity would come crashing down in a bombardment of hateful and regressive Ron DeSantis campaign ads.

The Onion