ANN ARBOR, MI—Following a comprehensive, decade-long survey conducted by human mobility researchers at the University of Michigan, a new study published Tuesday has confirmed that hightailing it continues to be the most popular way outta here. “Regardless of age, race, or gender, we found that in 62% of cases in which people needed to make a quick exit, their preferred method on outta here was hightailin’ it,” said study co-author Barbara Telfin, who noted that gettin’ the fuck came in second. “Most interesting, however, was the dramatic increase over the past 10 years in the number of respondents who expressed no favored way outta here, stating that they just hoped they would somehow be able to get outta here alive.” The study also found that among people who succeeded in finding a way outta here, 99.9% never, ever come back.
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