Walgreens Clarifies Stores Still Selling Plenty Of Household Products That’ll Abort A Fetus

DEERFIELD, IL—Responding to backlash over the pharmacy chain’s recent announcement to cease offering abortion pills in some Republican-dominated states, Walgreens officials clarified Tuesday that the stores still sell plenty of household products that will abort a fetus. “Our household essentials aisle is full of chemicals that will terminate a pregnancy just as well as the drug mifepristone,” said CEO Rosalind Brewer, adding that Clorox bathroom cleaners and Drano are just a few of the many items available at Walgreens that should serve women as an adequate alternative for their healthcare needs. “It’s important to us that women have convenient access to medical resources, which is why we stock plenty of lighter fluid, screwdrivers, and other sharp objects which could assist in an abortion. Also, alcohol and cigarettes will still be available at many locations as well if women prefer those methods.” Brewer added that, to help make abortions more affordable, Walgreens would also be offering women $5 back in rewards when they used their loyalty card to buy one or more household products for their abortion.

The Onion