WASHINGTON—Emphasizing that they could no longer stand by and watch the GOP’s annoyingly public-facing attacks, Democrats demanded Wednesday that Republicans begin pushing their anti-trans agenda more quietly. “We the Democratic Party, officially call on our Republican colleagues to cease being so painfully obvious about their anti-trans hate and funnel that into more palatable acts of silent discrimination,” said Senate Majority Leader Chuck Schumer (D-NY), adding that Republicans were totally free to continue dehumanizing any minority group that they pleased, so long as they learned to be more chill about it. “Rather than constantly going on talk shows and screaming about how members of the trans community should be jailed or how gender-affirming care must be banned, we’d much prefer if they just sat back, kept their mouths shut, and began doing more of their evil shit behind the scenes. Take it from us, confining your anti-trans agenda to either willful inaction or silent legislative maneuvers definitely still gets the job done.” At press time, Schumer called on Democrats to continue to sit back, do nothing, and tell their LGBTQIA+ constituents that they were doing everything they could to protect them.
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