History Of The Women’s Rights Movement

This is the moment that kicked it all off.

In a letter to the Founding Fathers and Continental Congress, the future first lady sternly tells her husband John Adams to grant women power and rights, or else forget about seeing so much as an ankle ever again.

Though many were left blind from years of living underground, they still cheered after feeling the warmth of the sun on their skin for the first time ever.

At the age of 18, Mary Shelley began writing her iconic work Frankenstein, which went on to become the preeminent text at the core of first-wave feminist rhetoric.

Elizabeth Cady Stanton organizes hundreds of people to discuss civil, social, political, and religious rights for women, with the fun twist of also having them sip wine and learn how to paint beach landscapes.

Modeled after the New York state “floozy law” passed several decades earlier, sluts, whores, and man-eaters in every U.S. state were finally granted the right to own property.

Jeannette Rankin becomes the first female U.S. representative, a historic achievement for which she is forgotten to this very day.

Men in Congress pass the women’s suffrage amendment after totally coming up with the whole idea on their own.

The pill that caused headaches, blood clots, nausea, strokes, sore breasts, bloating, hormonal imbalances, depression, and bleeding in some women was hailed as a huge triumph.

In a book still read widely today, author Betty Friedan goes on and on, complaining about girl stuff for over 200 pages.

Following a generations-long struggle for civil rights, the U.S. government’s Voting Rights Act concedes that Black women are women also.

The year 1971 became the first in which a man thought to ask the location of ladies, and to do so without primarily sexual intentions. This revolutionized gender politics.

In one of the most famous plays in the history of the women’s rights movement, Terry Bradshaw threw a pass that bounced off the helmet of Raiders safety Jack Tatum. Miraculously, Steelers fullback Franco Harris caught the pass and ran it over thirty yards for a game-winning touchdown.

Title IX of the Education Amendments is signed into law by President Nixon, forever enshrining the right of women to participate in poorly attended college sports before going on to be underpaid in a professional league that they work between their main jobs.

Refusing to accept defeat after the Battle of the Sexes, Riggs drags King around town to the beach, the park, and a miniature golf course, only to lose by more every time.

Eponymous creator Cathy Guisewite begins publication of what is largely considered the foundational text of the women’s rights movement, a gag-a-day comic strip that would go on to gently mock the trials and travails of its female protagonist—and indeed women everywhere—for the next 34 years.

Admitting he was more than a decade late getting around to it, the Supreme Deity who orders the universe found Betty Friedan’s iconic book about the commercial complex that imprisons women to be interesting, but noted he probably wouldn’t really do anything differently because of it.

Sandra Day O’Connor was officially the first to occupy the specially designated “bitch seat,” which she proudly held until 2006.

In a victory for all women, King cements her place in history as one of the greatest female gamers of all time.

The smash hit “Man! I Feel Like A Woman!” immediately became a rallying cry for anyone who’s ever felt like pairing a man’s shirt with a short skirt.

Congress finally passes a bill permitting women’s pants, shorts, skirts, and dresses to have sewn-in receptacles for carrying small items.

While Gloria Steinem originally went undercover as a Playboy bunny in 1963, a repeat attempt of the stunt in 2014 by the 80-year-old activist was sussed out fairly quickly.

God, what she would give to live in New York City. One day. One day, she’ll make it there.

Keep it up, fellas. See what happens.