LOW EARTH ORBIT—Noting that he had a feeling something was off the second he left for a spacewalk, SpaceX Crew member Chris Jeffries told reporters Friday that he realized he had been fired after being locked out of the Dragon capsule. “While no one has explicitly told me that my job has been eliminated, judging by the fact that I have no space shuttle access, everyone is ignoring me, and I’m floating endlessly in space, I think I can put two and two together,” said Jeffries, who after trying repeatedly to float past the shuttle’s windows to flag down the seven-person crew, told reporters that this was the most unprofessional way he had ever been dismissed from a mission. “I could think of one million better ways to fire someone instead of locking them outside of the shuttle, cutting their tether, and then not responding to any of their SOSs. But hey that’s Elon in a nutshell! Hello? Is anyone in there? My space suit keeps telling me that my oxygen access is denied.” At press time, Jeffries could not be reached for comment after desperately tweeting at Elon Musk that he was going to die, to which Elon simply replied with a sideways laughing emoji.
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