Speaker At Human Genome Editing Conference Just Wants To Know Where Colleagues Stand Before Pulling Curtain Off Giant Cage

LONDON—In an attempt to determine how attendees might react to his latest research, a scientist speaking at the Third International Summit on Human Genome Editing this week reportedly wanted to know where his colleagues stood before he pulled the curtain off a giant cage. “It’s a great honor to present my work to this distinguished audience, but first, I just wanted to take the temperature of the room real quick to see where everyone might draw the line and decide a new development is ‘misguided’ or ‘wrong’ or maybe even ‘evil,’” said biochemical engineer Wendell Borroughs, addressing an international conference of CRISPR gene-editing experts who were unable to take their eyes away from the 8-foot-tall covered cage that violently rattled and moaned every few minutes or so. “Again, just looking for a show of hands on who among us thinks that an organism that spends every waking moment in excruciating pain and misery is an acceptable price to pay for the cause of scientific advancement. One thing specifically I’d like to get read on is how many limbs, eyes, and heads we think an animal can have before it’s considered a horrific monstrosity. Okay, well, before I pull this curtain down, I just want to ask—who likes dogs and reptiles and things that can fly!” According to reports, Borroughs then pulled down the curtain to reveal an empty cage with a giant hole ripped through the bars.

The Onion

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