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Are you a good person who wants to help the poor? You’ve come to the right place! Liberals are famous for caring for the poor better than anyone else, and they’ve pioneered 100% effective ways of helping the less fortunate in our midst. Try doing these 10 things, and together we’ll win the war on poverty in no time!
Here’s how you do it:
- Care a whole, whole, lot: The poor people will really feel your caring.
- Vote for politicians who care about the poor: Politicians who care about the poor always follow through and do something about it.
- Hate billionaires: For every billionaire you hate, 12 hungry mouths get fed. That’s basic economics.
- Vote to raise taxes on other people so they pay their fair share: It’s the least other people could do!
- Vote to raise taxes on other people a little more than last time so they pay their even fairer share: One more increase should do the trick.
- Leave your “Bernie Sanders for President” bumper sticker on your Subaru one more year: You’ll inspire hundreds.
- Hate millionaires: Yeah, come to think of it, they suck too!
- Ask the government to send more money to Ukraine: We heard they have poor people there.
- Use the poor’s preferred pronouns: A simple gesture will go a long way.
- Sing John Lennon’s “Imagine” to the homeless as you drive by: Then post your performance on TikTok to multiply the poverty-smashing power!
Welp, that’s it! If everyone on Earth does these 10 things, poverty will be over for good. So share this with your friends and take a bite out of poverty!
NOT SATIRE: Want to REALLY help the poor? Maybe you want to donate to your place of worship or charities working to preserve our constitutional rights. Meet needs now with a simple, secure, tax-advantaged giving account at DonorsTrust.
Whatever your charitable goals are, let DonorsTrust help. Click here to download our donor prospectus and discover how a charitable-investment account with DonorsTrust could jumpstart your giving and reduce your taxable income. Until then, here’s our St. Patty’s blessing for you:
“May the raindrops fall lightly on your brow. May the soft winds freshen your spirit. May the sunshine brighten your heart. May the burdens of the day rest lightly upon you. And may God enfold you in the mantle of His love.”
Meet Carlos Renaldo, Jr. Experts believe he has saved over 3.8 billion lives by heroically wearing a mask alone while in the car. Is he a hero – or a superhero? You decide.
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Babylon Bee
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