Eight Subtle Signs Abortion Was Outlawed In Your State

Brought to you by: Seven Weeks Coffee

In some states, women enjoy full reproductive freedom and autonomy. Yay! Other states, however, are tyrannical Republican hellscapes where women are forced to carry babies to full-term — like literal chattel. But which of these do you live in?

Keep an eye out for these 8 subtle hints that abortion has been outlawed in your state:

1. Every woman is now wearing her mandatory Handmaid’s Tale outfit: And if you’re caught outside without it, Mike Pence will throw you in the clink. Oh no! Here he comes!
2. Millions of women dropping dead from lack of reproductive healthcare access every day: If only they could get an elective abortion through all 9 months of pregnancy for any reason, this wouldn’t happen.
3. Roving gangs of newborn babies: Dangerous!
4. There are now a bunch of kids clogging the Lego aisle: And one of the little cretins just snatched up that Hogwarts Castle set you’ve had your eye on!
5. More minorities running around than usual: They were never aborted by Planned Parenthood. Because of Christian fascism.
6. People are driving the speed limit due to having babies on board: UGGHHHHHH! Go faster!
7. Delightful laughter coming from the playground: Cute, but a troubling sign of babies not being aborted.
8. Delightful laughter coming from your living room: Awww, maybe this isn’t so bad.

If you notice any of these signs, get out of your state and flee to California immediately! Or don’t. Those adorable baby giggles are kinda nice.

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Babylon Bee