Jesus' Coming Back

5,000-Mile-Wide Blob Of Seaweed Heading Towards Florida

A 5,000-mile-wide blob of seaweed, known as the great Atlantic Sargassum belt, is drifting in the Gulf of Mexico toward Florida, where scientists say it may wash ashore and emit toxic, foul-smelling fumes as it rots. What do you think?

“Just once, I’d like to meet a 5,000-mile-wide blob that doesn’t emit toxic, foul-smelling fumes.”

Harold Leib, Freelance Beseecher

“It feels like nothing good ever washes ashore these days.”

Mona Dudek, Balloon Pilot

“DeSantis will just make a big show of putting it on a bus to Washington.”

Frank Galonski, Systems Analyst

The Onion

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