T-Mobile Acquires Ryan Reynolds’ Mint Mobile In Effort To Make Company More Annoying

BELLEVUE, WA—Calling the actor “a perfect fit” for the cell phone carrier’s brand, T-Mobile announced Thursday that they had acquired Ryan Reynolds’ Mint Mobile in an effort to make their company more annoying. “We already consistently drop your calls and deliver some of worst customer service in the country, but we wanted to take things one step further by partnering with a man so off-putting you’ll consider ditching your phone all together,” said T-Mobile CEO Mike Sievert, who confirmed that the the decision to purchase Mint Mobile for $1.35 billion came after years of customers asking the company to become more irritating. “We wanted T-Mobile to be a brand that doesn’t just feel annoying, but feels like it’s proud to be annoying. We want our customers to feel a sense of exasperation so deep they feel physically ill. We want you to feel the acid in your throats. We want you to see our commercials and then destroy your TVs in a rage. People have always hated us. Now, we’re thrilled to be even worse.” At press time, Sievert added that Reynolds would continue his creative role with the company so as to repulse as many customers as possible.