Locksmith Called After Man Loses Incantation Used To Open Ancient Stone Chamber

MESA, AZ—Arriving as quickly as possible to assist a desperate customer, a locksmith was reportedly called Friday after a local man lost the incantation needed to open an ancient enchanted stone chamber. “It took him 45 minutes to get here, which is fine, but now he wants to charge me $200 just to blast through the 4,000-year-old rune-covered doors with shadow magic,” said Leonard Garrison, 48, who added that he was angry with himself for misplacing the scroll upon which was written a spell in an arcane tongue that, when chanted during the doomed and forsaken rite of alban eilir, would give him access to the chamber where he kept his passport, social security card, and other important personal documents. “The worst part is that I have valuables like my magic goblet and scrying mirror in there, and now this complete stranger I’ve let into my home knows exactly where I keep them. Plus, with the damage he’s doing, I’ll never get those doors to stay shut again without hiring a druid to inscribe them with strange, esoteric seals.” At press time, Garrison had managed to get out of paying the $200 after the locksmith had inadvertently invoked the wrath of Yog-Sothoth and been cast into the Nameless Mist.