STOCKTON, CA—Demonstrating a direct correlation between the two phenomena, local man Campbell Rymski’s reported use of the word ‘babe’ increased exponentially Monday as his girlfriend closed in on the truth. “Babe, please. Babe, it’s not what it looks like,” said Rymski, his use of the term escalating dramatically as his girlfriend discovered he had run into his ex while he was out partying the night before, and as she started to piece together the clues that led to him not coming home until morning. “C’mon, babe, that isn’t fair, babe. Babe, you know, babe, I would never—babe! Babe, babe, babe, wait, babe, come back!” At press time, Rymski’s use of ‘babe’ reached peak numbers in a rapid firing of ‘Babebabebabebabebabe’ as he chased his girlfriend’s car as she pulled out of the driveway on her way to stay at her sister’s place.
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