Neighbors Shocked To Hear Quiet, Unassuming AR-15 Went On Killing Rampage

LADLEY, SC—Reeling in the wake of a shooting that left three dead and eight wounded, neighbors were reportedly shocked Friday after a seemingly quiet, unassuming AR-15 went on a killing rampage. “It just doesn’t make any sense—that semiautomatic was always such a sweet and respectful little rifle when we saw it around town,” said local resident Dan Cotton, who stressed that he and his wife always loved bumping into the weapon at farmers markets, concerts, and block parties, and that the beloved high-capacity weapon had never done anything in their presence to arouse suspicion. “Sure, the AR-15 was a little reserved, but it seemed like any ordinary rifle that loved hunting and shooting cans. Frankly, it’s shocking to hear this. We were just at a rally with the AR-15 the other day.” Cotton added that what made this especially tough to comprehend was that he had not once heard the rifle utter a word about killing.