Jesus' Coming Back

Politicians Explain Why They Oppose Free School Lunch Programs

Start Slideshow
Image for article titled Politicians Explain Why They Oppose Free School Lunch Programs

Despite the popularity of universal free school lunch amongst Americans, many members of Congress are against the initiative. The Onion asked politicians to explain why they oppose free school lunch, and this is what they said.

Advertisement

Previous Slide
Next Slide

2 / 26

Rep. Jim Jordan (R-OH)

Rep. Jim Jordan (R-OH)

Image for article titled Politicians Explain Why They Oppose Free School Lunch Programs

“Maybe they should have thought about that before they were born into a cycle of poverty from which they will never escape.”

Advertisement

Previous Slide
Next Slide

3 / 26

Gov. Sarah Huckabee Sanders (R-AR)

Gov. Sarah Huckabee Sanders (R-AR)

Image for article titled Politicians Explain Why They Oppose Free School Lunch Programs

“I don’t want our children to get hooked on basic human sustenance.”

Advertisement

Previous Slide
Next Slide

4 / 26

Sen. Marsha Blackburn (R-TN)

Sen. Marsha Blackburn (R-TN)

Image for article titled Politicians Explain Why They Oppose Free School Lunch Programs

“There simply isn’t enough coleslaw to go around.”

Advertisement

Previous Slide
Next Slide

5 / 26

Gov. Greg Abbott (R-TX)

Gov. Greg Abbott (R-TX)

Image for article titled Politicians Explain Why They Oppose Free School Lunch Programs

“The skinnier they are, the harder it is for them to get shot by their classmates.”

Advertisement

Previous Slide
Next Slide

6 / 26

Rep. Chip Roy (R-TX)

Rep. Chip Roy (R-TX)

Image for article titled Politicians Explain Why They Oppose Free School Lunch Programs

“I wouldn’t be doing my job if I wasn’t making the most vulnerable among us needlessly suffer.”

Advertisement

Previous Slide
Next Slide

7 / 26

Sen. Mitch McConnell (R-KY)

Sen. Mitch McConnell (R-KY)

Image for article titled Politicians Explain Why They Oppose Free School Lunch Programs

“We’ve been over this. Kids were only temporarily hungry during Covid. Since the vaccine, they aren’t hungry anymore.”

Advertisement

Previous Slide
Next Slide

8 / 26

Sen. Rick Scott (R-FL)

Sen. Rick Scott (R-FL)

Image for article titled Politicians Explain Why They Oppose Free School Lunch Programs

“There’s plenty of outdated textbooks they can eat if they really get hungry.”

Advertisement

Previous Slide
Next Slide

9 / 26

Sen. Joe Manchin (D-WV)

Sen. Joe Manchin (D-WV)

Image for article titled Politicians Explain Why They Oppose Free School Lunch Programs

“How the heck does free lunch help coal barons get richer? By the way, if you find a way to make that connection, I’m all in on free lunch.”

Advertisement

Previous Slide
Next Slide

10 / 26

Rep. Andy Biggs (R-AZ)

Rep. Andy Biggs (R-AZ)

Image for article titled Politicians Explain Why They Oppose Free School Lunch Programs

“That’s taxpayer funds that should be going toward my salary.”

Advertisement

Previous Slide
Next Slide

11 / 26

Gov. Brian Kemp (R-GA)

Gov. Brian Kemp (R-GA)

Image for article titled Politicians Explain Why They Oppose Free School Lunch Programs

“We can’t keep relying on foreign countries to produce those spindly children with the distended stomachs.”

Advertisement

Previous Slide
Next Slide

12 / 26

Sen. Susan Collins (R-ME)

Sen. Susan Collins (R-ME)

Image for article titled Politicians Explain Why They Oppose Free School Lunch Programs

“If they eat lunch, they won’t be hungry enough to come looking for my house made of candy in the woods.”

Advertisement

Previous Slide
Next Slide

13 / 26

Sen. Mike Lee (R-UT)

Sen. Mike Lee (R-UT)

Image for article titled Politicians Explain Why They Oppose Free School Lunch Programs

“It’s okay if we don’t feed them in school. If a child dies from starvation, they are fed a feast in heaven.”

Advertisement

Previous Slide
Next Slide

14 / 26

Rep. Matt Gaetz (R-FL)

Rep. Matt Gaetz (R-FL)

Image for article titled Politicians Explain Why They Oppose Free School Lunch Programs

“It’s a complicated issue. I hear the word ‘free,’ I feel livid. Then I hear the word ‘school,’ and I feel horny.”

Advertisement

Previous Slide
Next Slide

15 / 26

Rep. Jim Banks (R-IN)

Rep. Jim Banks (R-IN)

Image for article titled Politicians Explain Why They Oppose Free School Lunch Programs

“So liberals want to cancel child hunger now?”

Advertisement

Previous Slide
Next Slide

16 / 26

Sen. Tom Cotton (R-AR)

Sen. Tom Cotton (R-AR)

Image for article titled Politicians Explain Why They Oppose Free School Lunch Programs

“The only time children should eat for free is if they can win a 72-ounce-porterhouse-steak-eating contest.”

Advertisement

Previous Slide
Next Slide

17 / 26

Rep. Barry Loudermilk (R-GA)

Rep. Barry Loudermilk (R-GA)

Image for article titled Politicians Explain Why They Oppose Free School Lunch Programs

“If we give children food, shelter, and attention for free at school, they’re going to start expecting those things at home.”

Advertisement

Previous Slide
Next Slide

18 / 26

Rep. Virginia Foxx (R-NC)

Rep. Virginia Foxx (R-NC)

Image for article titled Politicians Explain Why They Oppose Free School Lunch Programs

“I just have serious concerns about children eating and getting fat, those dumb fat fucks. Imagine millions of snotty fat disgusting fatty fat children crawling all over the streets, mashing their fat stupid fucking butts all over the nice chairs. Horrible.”

Advertisement

Previous Slide
Next Slide

19 / 26

Rep. Lauren Boebert (R-CO)

Rep. Lauren Boebert (R-CO)

Image for article titled Politicians Explain Why They Oppose Free School Lunch Programs

“Suddenly the woke left wants you to believe that children under 18 need to ingest food to survive.”

Advertisement

Previous Slide
Next Slide

20 / 26

Sen. Roger Marshall (R-KS)

Sen. Roger Marshall (R-KS)

Image for article titled Politicians Explain Why They Oppose Free School Lunch Programs

“I’ve never eaten lunch a day in my life. I eat three quick breakfast right in succession and no other meals, and look how I turned out.”

Advertisement

Previous Slide
Next Slide

21 / 26

Rep. Paul Gosar (R-AZ)

Rep. Paul Gosar (R-AZ)

Image for article titled Politicians Explain Why They Oppose Free School Lunch Programs

“I’m trying to help them. There’s all kinds of unregulated chemicals we allow in their food.”

Advertisement

Previous Slide
Next Slide

22 / 26

Sen. Ted Cruz (R-TX)

Sen. Ted Cruz (R-TX)

Image for article titled Politicians Explain Why They Oppose Free School Lunch Programs

“Our children should not have to consume all these woke calories for sustenance.”

Advertisement

Previous Slide
Next Slide

23 / 26

Sen. Dianne Feinstein (D-CA)

Sen. Dianne Feinstein (D-CA)

Image for article titled Politicians Explain Why They Oppose Free School Lunch Programs

“Because 11 a.m. is dinnertime.”

Advertisement

Previous Slide
Next Slide

24 / 26

Sen. Rand Paul (R-KY)

Sen. Rand Paul (R-KY)

Image for article titled Politicians Explain Why They Oppose Free School Lunch Programs

“School lunch should come out of teachers’ salaries.”

Advertisement

Previous Slide
Next Slide

25 / 26

You’ve Made It This Far…

You’ve Made It This Far…

Advertisement

The Onion

Comments are closed.

This website uses cookies to improve your experience. We'll assume you're ok with this, but you can opt-out if you wish. Accept Read More