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Clearblue Introduces New At-Home Test That Tells You If You’re Beautiful

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GENEVA—Promising the fastest and most accurate results in the market, Swiss Precision Diagnostics introduced a new at-home Clearblue test Tuesday that tells users if they’re beautiful. “There’s nothing worse than uncertainty, but with the all-new Clearblue Rapid Detection Beauty Test, you can know for sure if you’re really pretty or not,” said company spokesperson Ann Langel, who explained that with just a few drops of urine, the test was able to tell with over 99% accuracy if the user was hot or not. “Stop wondering, ‘Am I gorgeous? Am I ready to be a hottie?’ and get the answer for sure. Simply pee on the stick and wait 15 minutes to receive your results. One line indicates a negative result, and one line plus one flame indicates a positive. Whether you’re hoping to achieve a ‘hot’ or crossing your fingers for a ‘not,’ Clearblue can help.” At press time, Langel added users needed to be pretty for at least 10 days for results to be accurate.

The Onion

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