Jimmy Carter Gets Vasectomy

PLAINS, GA—According to sources familiar with the medical treatment he is currently receiving, former President Jimmy Carter, 98, underwent a conventional surgical vasectomy Tuesday in an effort to prevent any unwanted pregnancies. “I’m not at a point in my life right now where I want to take on the responsibility of having a child, so this just made sense,” said Carter, explaining that he had originally tried to convince his wife Rosalynn Carter, 95, to get her tubes tied, but the former first lady was “just too baby crazy” to agree to the procedure. “A vasectomy is a reversible operation, so if, as time goes by, I decide I’m ready to be a father again, that will still be an option. But at the moment, I want the peace of mind that comes from knowing I won’t accidentally get someone pregnant, especially now that Georgia has a six-week abortion ban.” Reports later confirmed that, for the first time in years, a mid-coital Carter was enjoying the raw, skin-on-skin pleasure of not wearing a condom and freely ejaculating during vaginal sex.