Government Subsidies Awarded To Any CEO Who Says ‘Climate’

WASHINGTON—As part of a $1 trillion clean energy plan to make executives say the word climate more, President Joe Biden announced Wednesday that the federal government would be awarding subsidies to any CEO who says the word climate. “Simply say the word climate, and we’ll give you a $400 million government grant you can do whatever you want with—seriously, no strings attached—so go ahead and say, ‘Climate, climate, climate, climate!’” said Biden, who noted there would be additional subsidies awarded to U.S. business executives who uttered the words green, future, planet, zero, and goal. “It doesn’t have to be in public. Whisper it alone in a locked room and the money’s yours. It doesn’t even have to be in a positive context. Say, ‘I don’t care about climate,’ or, ‘Huh, climate, what’s that?’ and you’ll receive billions of dollars in the form of a grant or a tax cut, your choice. Now let’s get saying climate!” At press time, Biden added that he hoped the word climate would account for 70% of all words by 2032.