Thoughtful Letter On How To Improve Legislative Process Undercut By Poison Included In Envelope

WASHINGTON—Saying the sender’s contributions were appreciated but ultimately self-defeating, Capitol Police told reporters Wednesday that a thoughtful letter on how to improve the legislative process was undercut by the poison powder included in the envelope. “Although the anonymous assailant’s note had some helpful feedback on how to break through partisan gridlock, the deadly quantity of ricin spread on those pages also makes you wonder how much he really believes in improving the democratic process,” said Capitol Police spokesperson Jermaine Williams, rushing to note that the letter itself was well thought out, thoroughly researched, and expressed important points on places where Republicans and Democrats might come together to advance bills on pharmaceutical costs and energy permitting reform. “What’s especially nice is how much constructive feedback it contains. Sometimes people can get really nasty about politics. But, aside from a few typos, blood-stains, and the toxic powder, this really seems to be coming from someone who cares about these issues and wants to see the country do better.” Williams added that the biggest shame was that all these interesting points would unfortunately be overshadowed by the three congressional aides sent to the hospital.