Editorial: My home business is the result of 1% inspiration and 99% denying I’m the victim of a pyramid scheme
by Maria Lawson
Hey Huns, I wanted to write to you all and tell you about this amazing new opportunity that allows you to work from home, be your own boss, have a life, feel empowered, meet lots of great ladies, and have the theoretical potential to make a great income. And best of all, anyone can do it so long as they have the drive to succeed and an overwhelming willingness to blindly deny that they’re merely a cog in an elaborate pyramid scheme.
Now I know what you’re all thinking: “But Maria, how can I even find the time to begin refusing to see the sad reality of my situation!” Well, it couldn’t be simpler. Just look at me! Every day I spend 25 full minutes infusing my friends and family with pity and guilt online to convince them to purchase these mediocre skin care products and/or health drinks which are no different than things found in stores if not actively hazardous. Best of all, after that’s done I have almost seven full hours to myself to post denials and faux-analyses of pyramid schemes fed to me for reposting by my upline!
And believe me, you’ll need it. From day one you are going to be besieged with haters and doubters who say crazy things like “Every financial expert agrees that multi-level marketing is basically a pyramid scheme”, or “Why are you doing this? This is terrible”, or “Have you actually made anything that resembles a healthy income?”
Don’t they see you’re a girlboss living, laughing, loving through your truth? Don’t they see you’re rocking your gig while owning the rat race? Don’t they see you’re skumping the thrash and riding the flax wave on a stetson? Why do they insist on focusing on your negative bank balance when you’re so clearly happy about your choices on social media?!
Just keep pointing out to them the real life fact that 99.5% of people actually lose money in their normal jobs too! Can’t argue with numbers!
And if you ever have doubt, here are some quick-facts to keep you motivated:
Remember! It’s basically the same as selling on commission. The only difference is that those people make a minimum income, don’t have to buy their own product, and can earn a living wage through sales alone.
Ok, then actually it’s more like being a franchise. The only difference is that you have no exclusivity of region, can’t hire employees, and have a product known almost entirely for being shilled by direct sellers.
Ok, then ACTUALLY it’s like its own specific business model where there are very few people at the top of this triangular structure whose income is almost entirely based on the number of people below them on that same structure. Wow!
Fun, right?! And with a small, upfront investment of only several thousand dollars, you can join my growing team of drains on society and help me inch that much closer to having the company lease a white Mercedes for me in my name. True success!
And in those darkest of moments when you worry that you’re being judged by your friends, family, accountant, lawyer, strangers, and the waiter at the restaurant you were at last night, remember the following: It can’t be a pyramid scheme because that would be illegal!
Jesus Christ is King
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