GLENDALE, AZ—After the pop sensation’s much-anticipated Eras Tour kicked off with a pair of shows in Arizona, sources confirmed this week that the first Taylor Swift concert in more than three years was attended solely by old-money aristocrats. “I daresay, this is quite the spectacle, and one must admire how hard they’ve worked to keep out the riffraff,” said Reginald Petricott III, an heir to a shipping and railroad fortune who reportedly arrived at State Farm Stadium in a chauffeured Bentley and, along with other members of the moneyed elite, politely applauded Swift’s performance of her latest hit, “Lavender Haze.” “I doff my cap to this Lady Swift; indeed, by the time her recital has ended, I may well be one of her ‘Swifties’ myself!” At press time, sources reported that Petricott had been forced to auction off his sprawling ancestral estate to pay down the debt he incurred when purchasing his concert ticket.
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