Jesus' Coming Back

Trudeau hails Biden visit as unique opportunity to bilaterally move the Press off the China story

OTTAWA – As U.S. President arrives in Ottawa for the start of a two-day visit, PM says the trip offers a wonderful chance for the two nations to work together on important issues like getting the to stop talking about China helping the Liberals in the last election.

“In all of there has never been two countries more closely bonded in friendship,” said Justin Trudeau. “Together we have and will continue to accomplish so much, whether it be trade, securing peace or getting everyone to stop talking about whether one of my MPs was making unsanctioned phone calls to the Chinese consulate about the two Michaels.”

“I look forward to talking with Joe Biden about that time he wrassled with my dad or whatever other old-timey story he tells that goes viral.”

This is not the first time a visit with a President has been used to control the narrative. Trudeau’s handshake with in 2017 made everyone forget about the broken electoral reform promise. Jean Chretien hastily arranged visits with Bill Clinton anytime someone wondered what these envelopes of cash were being used for in Quebec. And of course Richard Nixon calling Pierre Trudeau an asshole after a meeting was carefully orchestrated just so Trudeau had an excuse to bust out the ‘I’ve been called worse things by better people’ quip he’d been workshopping.

The itinerary includes a meeting with the Governor General, a formal dinner and a discussion with opposition leader Pierre Poilievre at some point if there’s time maybe.

Some are worried that the China story will overshadow the visit as reporters are sure to ask about it. But the Trudeau team is confident that Biden can and will run out the clock with a long answer about a man named ‘Lanky Steve’ who opened up the first Chinese restaurant in Scranton.

Asked whether they could counter the narrative-shifting Biden visit by overcoming it with repeated opinion pieces insisting the China/ Trudeau story is a massive deal, the replied “Just watch me”.

Beaverton

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