AUSTIN, TX—Forced to undergo extra security checks by officers from the Transportation Security Administration, local man Ron Hoyt was reportedly pulled aside at the airport Friday when an X-ray scanner revealed the burning Twin Towers in his suitcase. “Sir, you have to leave this at home—you’re not allowed to bring the collapsing, flame-engulfed World Trade Center onto the plane,” said TSA officer Brielle Waters, who pointed to a sign specifying that sharp objects, large fluid containers, and the fiery wreckage of the iconic 110-story skyscrapers were strictly prohibited. “I’m sorry, but the smoldering buildings in your carry-on exceed the limit. We have bins right here so you can dispose of any catastrophic attacks on Lower Manhattan before you board the aircraft. If you have the Pentagon or Shanksville, PA in your pockets, we’ll have to ask you to get rid of those too.” At press time, al-Qaeda militant and 9/11 mastermind Khalid Sheikh Mohammed was seen breezing through the TSA PreCheck line and boarding his flight.
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