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Parents Waiting To See Son’s Test Scores Before Prohibiting Him From Playing Football

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MARBLEHEAD, MA—Amid growing concerns about the sport’s potential effects on child brain development, local parents Jim and Angela Garza told reporters Friday that they were waiting to see their son’s test scores before prohibiting him from playing football. “We’re certainly concerned about what concussions and other injuries can do to a young body, but we don’t want to tell Isaac no if it turns out he flubs his standardized tests,” said Jim Garza, adding that he and his wife were only even entertaining the idea of their 8-year-old playing football after he asked them why he was having so much trouble reading at school. “Is football dangerous? That may be, but for some kids, like Isaac if he gets lower than the 65th percentile or so, that might be the best option. As parents, we have to remind ourselves that even if we don’t especially want our kid to do something, we’ve also tried to help him with his math homework, and if things keep going like this, we’re going to have to let him make his own decisions.” At press time, the Garzas were reportedly looking over their third-grader’s report card and telling him to give them the Pop Warner sign-up sheet.

The Onion

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